Are You Comparing and Should-ing?

Ever find yourself feeling the agony of comparing yourself to someone else and their success and judging yourself as less than? Of course — you’re a human on planet earth.

Until we start listening to our inner conversations and stop the debilitating dialogue, Comparing and Should-ing is what we do.

How about a new perspective and new way to use this habit of comparing and should-ing?

What if you could view this habit as a gift to yourself – a reminder that you are forgetting the truth of who you really are? Stay with me here – I actually do know what I’m talking about. I recently put myself through this painful experience of comparing and should-ing, and what I learned from it for me is priceless.

When I — or when you — compare myself and judge myself less than, what I’m saying is, you shouldn’t be you – you should be someone other than who you are.” This is bullying at it’s worst and it hurts big time.

When this happens we have a couple of choices — we can succumb to the pain and be miserable — or we can use it to awaken us to our mistaken thinking that is blocking love’s presence in our life. When I compare I see that I am pushing away the very things I want, like

  • –Feeling good
  • –Knowing I am loved and lovable
  • –Knowing that I am meant to be who I am – not someone else.
  • –Feeling empowered to be my best 

Regardless of what we may have been told about ourselves when we were kids that made us start comparing and should-ing, what I really want to know is —

  • I am the “me that the Universe/God/Source created me to be. I want to be in this physical body and be all that I was born to be.
  • This comparing is almost always about some physical aspect of me or about my performance – what matters is what I call my being-ness. Thinking I should be taller, skinnier, younger, more accomplished, famous, richer is irrelevant.
  • If I decide I am going to make any changes I will first
  1. Accept me fully where I am as I am.
  2. Be clear that my “why,” is for the purpose of bringing more joy into my life.

My latest bullying happened last week when I read on Facebook about a friend taking a really “juicy” real estate position. I instantly began comparing my life to his – forgetting that he is less than half my age, and in the climb to glory stage of his life – forgetting that I’ve had many moments in the sun – totally ignoring the fact that I absolutely don’t even want to be doing what he is doing – all I could see was what I am or am not doing in my life right now. I spent at least an hour telling myself what a failure I was.

It was a painful, yet beautiful wake-up call, and again, that’s how I invite you to view it when you feel the pain of comparing and should-ing yourself. It seems as humans we often need to be led from our mistaken thinking about ourselves and be awakened to what is true. 

I received this meditation from Iyanla Vanzant, and when I need to be reminded of what she calls “my authentic identity,” I find reading it out loud is calming and healing:

I Am as God created me to be.
I Am One-

  -with the Mind of God –
  -with the Love of God –
  -with the Light of God –
  -with the Truth of God –
       -with the Wisdom of God –
I Am as God created me to be.
Nothing I have seen heard, experienced, done, been taught, told or made up about myself can or has changed the central truth of who I AM. 
I AM as God created me to be.


  1. Mike Race on June 4, 2018 at 1:50 am

    Lot to digest here! Concentrate on your success, look where they got you! I rest my case.

    • Mardi Kirkland on June 4, 2018 at 3:06 am

      You’re right, of course. Sometimes, being human and forgetting who we really are is a bitch. Thanks for the reminder!

  2. Kevin Murphy on June 4, 2018 at 6:37 pm

    Very well said, Mardi. We may be tough on others…but we can be brutal to ourselves. We are our own worst enemy when we start comparing ourselves to others. The only comparison we ever need is with our Source within.

    • Mardi Kirkland on June 4, 2018 at 10:06 pm

      So true, Kevin. And this comparing habit is something we’ve done for so long that I believe most of the time we don’t even realize we’re doing it.

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